Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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