i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
pray to the hookup gods
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
