dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
