My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
