I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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