im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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