Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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