Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
