Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize