wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
A bitchslap is in order.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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