Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
