i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
