A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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