Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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