I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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