Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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