Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm really busy with my period
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