dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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