You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
