Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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