In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
