Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
