I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
