Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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