i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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