There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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