My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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