ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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