Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
