I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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