How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
