With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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