Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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