i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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