It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
