I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
