I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
tonight lets celebrate not being married
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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