I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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