I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
