i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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