3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
