i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
