I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
