Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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