There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
