still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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