If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize