I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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