Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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