It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I have post one night stand depression
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
