i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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