Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
