There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
