The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
