a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
