Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
