I got her a Nickelback box set.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
