addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Ladies don't puke and tell
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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