South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
