I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize