ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
