Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
