pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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