somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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