i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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