happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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