I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
