Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
