belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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