Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
