Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
