there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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