Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
