You made me cry and you don't even care
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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