you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize