they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize